As soon as my GPS told me I had reached my destination, I was ready to turn around and go home. And these are the reasons why, there was a line outside, a $20 cover charge and nowhere to park. I thought to myself, “Self, have some patience, put your best foot forward and you’ll be OK.” Boy, was I wrong. When I got inside thirty minutes after I arrived to my destination I was greeted by my two friends who were already sitting down looking unamused. 

We decided to go and find some friends of my friend who were there for a bachelor party celebration. As we made our way to where they were located we came across some men who were dancing harder than the women were. Of course they were probably younger than I but they were acting like this was their last night out in the community. They looked like they planned on dancing the night away. I guess that’s cool because that’s what people were suppose to be doing. I just thought it was very comical because they had so much energy and enthusiasm and I was the total opposite, cool as a cucumber. 

Then we came across some women who had on clothing which was very unflattering to their body types. I felt like they were offending mine eyes. I also believe they should get some new friends because my friends would not have allowed me to go out of the house looking the way they did. Now, don’t get me wrong, I understand that fashion is subjective. But most of the ‘fits these women had on should get them arrested by the fashion police. And just because they make certain items in your size doesn’t mean you should wear them. 

Then there was “Paul and Bertha” (an older Caucasian couple) who stuck out like a sore thumb.  However, I guess I should have taken some notes from them because they appeared to be having a great time dancing off beat to every song the DJ played. Then there was some one’s blonde weaved grandma who was clearly celebrating her birthday. How do I know that you ask? Because she had single dollar bills pinned to the top of her dress. I never quite understood why people do that. 

And then there was the “Houston and Louisiana” music segment when I didn’t know not one song and I felt like the odd woman out.  I sat there looking crazy which resulted in me scrolling through my FB and IG timeline. 

I knew I had reached my breaking point when I saw a few girls twerking’ on other girls and not in a that’s my good girlfriend and we’re out celebrating her birthday kinda way. But more so like that’s my “girlfriend” and I can’t wait to take her home and rip her clothes off kinda away. It was at that moment, I said I’m too old for this “ish”. 

I hadn’t had any libations because I was already tired, sleepy and sweaty because it was so hot up in there. I was fully coherent of my surroundings and was mad at myself after I calculated how much sleep I could have had if I would have stayed home. So, I told my friend at 1 am it was time for me to go. 

When I proceeded to leave, a guy tried to stop me from leaving by dancing in front of me. And that’s another thing, I don’t care for strange men gyrating or grinding on my derriere. I’m soooooo good on it! Lucky, for this guy he was in front of me or he would have got his feelings hurt. When I finally was able to leave, I tried to get home as fast as I could so I could get enough sleep before church the next morning. 

Overall, I probably will not be out on the social scene club/lounge scene like I use to because I’m officially over it. I’ve been looking around Houston for a nice place where people my age go to hang out and have a good time. So far I’ve been unsuccessful. I guess I’m looking for a unicorn. Oh well, I’m always up for a happy hour!