About my pregnancy. If you even care.
10. Belly bands and rubber bands are God sent manna from heaven.
Let’s just say anything with elastic in it is the best thing ever created. I’m five months pregnant and I can no longer fit in most of my work pants. Also, I don’t want to spend a lot of money on maternity clothes because I feel like it’s a waste. So all the clothes I purchase moving forward will be one size bigger than what I normally wear, have elastic or spandex in it.
9. French fries are not my friend.
Who am I kidding, I LOVE FRENCH FRIES!!! If it was up to me I would eat them every day. I would rotate where I ate them from daily. One day, Chic Fil A, the next day McDonald’s, then Wendy’s, next Five Guys, maybe Whataburger, throw in Wing stop and home-made french fries to round it all out. However, if I ate them everyday I would be the size of a whale by Jan 3, 2018. And since all of those fries would be hard to shake post pregnancy, I’m just gonna pass on eating them once a day and maybe just stick to once a week.
8. Don’t touch my belly without my permission.
Why? Because I said so and it’s an invasion of my personal space. I also don’t like to be touched by any and everybody. So please if you want me to spare your feelings just be kind and speak before you leap because you might draw back a nub.
7. Finding pregnant safe activities are difficult to do.
Everyone knows I love a day party and frequent a club or lounge on the weekends. But it would be a little inappropriate for me to be seen in a romper or dress singing, “Wild thoughts” at this stage in my pregnancy. So I’ll just gracefully bow out.
But what now, I don’t really know what to do to fill the avoid. Everything I do now seems to include eating and since I don’t want to be a whale next year I’m open to suggestions about things I can do instead.
6. Indigestion is the devil.
If you know me well, you know I can be a little gaseous. But it’s on a whole new level and sometimes I wake up at night with heartburn. WHY LAWD!!!! I carry Tums every where I go and I’m sure my coworkers are ready to find me a new job. But I can’t help myself. So please bear with me for the next few months and I’ll do my best to keep it to a minimum.
5. I will sniff your glass of wine if you let me.
I know that sounds nasty but since I can’t drink it for a while just waft the scent in my direction. Because sometimes having a mocktail just doesn’t cut it and drinking everything out of a wine glass is NOT THE SAME! I know this doesn’t seem like a lot to most people but for me it is. I completely agree with this saying below and if you don’t, who asked you anyway.
4. I may need a breast reduction and lift after breastfeeding.
Because I was already well endowed pre-pregnancy and at this rate things will only go down hill literally and physically. So after I post this I’ll be starting a gofundme page for my cause and I would appreciate your support. Thanks in advance.
3. I’m grateful I don’t use public transportation while I’m pregnant.
I don’t know if I could take all of the personalities, smells and plain ol’ outlandish activity that take place on public transportation. I applaud pregnant women who have to use mass transit and I wish you all the best to and fro. May God and the force be with you!
2. Being pregnant in the summertime in Houston is my punishment for fornicating with First name: Jack Last name Ass!
1. It’s a GIRL!
So who likes to do hair?
Until next time….